Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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