I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
