I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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