It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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