Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
