Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I FOUND THE LEGS
did i just pee glitter
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
