Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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