Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
