Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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