I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
