I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
