At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
