Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
