so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
