After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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