Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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