You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
