On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
