She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
