and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
