What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
