I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
