i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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