it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
