also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
