It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
