Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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