How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
