i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
