Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
