Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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