I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
