Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
