Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
