Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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