I just made out with a guy for $7.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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