his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i will never coherently bang her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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