Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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