I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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