like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sex in the backyard? Check.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
