Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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