I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
