im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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