We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
