angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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