dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
