Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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