I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
