Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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