He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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