i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
