I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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