There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
