Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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