Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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