K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
