There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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